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Good day I am so excited and grateful to
be here with you today. The reason I’m here is
because of the loss of three of my children’s classmates
and companions to heroin overdose, alcohol poisoning and
a suicide. Specifically, I was motivated by pain. I
never forget how I felt when I learned my son’s 11 year
old classmate chose to end his life by hanging with
barbed wire from an engine puller. I could only imagine
how confused, hurt and hopeless he must have felt to
make that painful choice. And, I did imagine it over and
over. It was easy to imagine the grief, anguish and
confusion of the parents of all three of these young
people. I told myself, except for the grace of God that
could be me!
You see, I am not here because I
did everything right raising my own children; I’m here
because I made a lot of mistakes and I learned from
them. I am here because I believe I don’t have to walk a
mile in anguished parent’s shoes to be moved to action
that ends this type of tragedy and neither do you. It
is enough for me to imagine walking in their shoes,
learn from their steps and act on the emotion generated
inside me and it can be enough for you. I am here
because I study results, then, research and experiment
with more effective approaches. And, I am here because
I never want to be in those parents’ shoes; and,
I don’t want fellow parents there either. You are my
audience today for two reasons. One, you make choices;
two, research shows that in your age group, peers have
more influence over each of you than do parents and
adults. It is my personal mission to help you choose to
replace the demand for killer temporary feel
goods such as drugs and alcohol and simultaneously
increase your demand for positive, constructive
alternatives. I hope to convince you and that you will
convince your peers.
It always begins and ends with choice and
that is the topic for this morning.
Imagine you are on the schoolyard and
this bully begins picking on you, it quickly escalates
to punching and kicking. The next thing you know, you
wake up on the ground, your nose bloodied; you feel
embarrassed, humiliated and angry. You get up; run home
as fast as you can – straight to the 22 that your mom
keeps around to protect the family. You check the
chamber for bullets, just for a second you feel that
cold hard steel press against the palm of your hand.
Quickly you snap it shut and conceal it in your
waistband as you race back toward the schoolyard where
you hope to find that bully and get your revenge. Just
short of the schoolyard you spot him. You drop to the
ground, raise the gun in his direction, steady your aim,
pull back the hammer and look down the sights. What do
you see?
I can tell you what Bo Jackson saw when
he found himself in a similar situation in 7th
grade. Bo Jackson saw every story he ever heard about
life as a prison inmate. He saw himself lying awake at
night for fear of rape by fellow inmates. He saw his
momma cry herself to sleep because her little boy was
sleeping in a jail cell. That was enough for Bo to fire
the gun into a tree, instead of the bully. According to
his biography, that choice was a powerful life defining
moment for him. Although in 7th grade Bo
couldn’t see the greatness that lay in store for him, he
could see the swift and certain consequences of justice.
Bo Jackson also chose to finish school, go on to college
and he chose to play football. He chose to invest the
time, effort and discipline that prepared him to be a
professional football star then professional baseball as
well, Bo Jackson is considered a success. Now let’s
contrast this story with another sports figure from the
news, Mike Tyson. Mike found himself in similar moments
of rage and chose to act out his anger and hostility
using his fists and his strength. One can only assume
that he either did not pause and imagine the possible
consequences of his choices or he was willing to live
with them.
The
quality of your life is the product of the quality of
the choices you make. If you make bad choices, you live
a bad life; if you make good choices, you live a good
life.
This statement is absolute, it is that old law of Mother
Nature, you reap what you sow. Even when bad
thing happen to good people, the quality of their life
is the product of the quality of the choice they make.
Do I make the best of what life has given me or do I
make myself and those around me miserable? It is
every choice we make moment by moment that shapes
quality of life.
Perhaps you don’t find yourself in
obvious destiny defining crossroads as either Bo or
Mike. That is GREAT! What kind of destiny defining
crossroads do you typically face? To help you better
understand your personal choices, consider this
opportunity for mental aerobics:
-
Identify 3 – 10 choices you personally made yesterday
and list them below. These choices could range from as
simple as whether to get out of bed when your alarm
went off or hit the snooze button and sleep in a
little longer. On the other end of the spectrum,
perhaps yesterday you decided which college you want
to attend or that what you really want to do more than
anything is become a lion tamer!
Choices:
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
# ___(
)_________________________________________
Do
over? Yes/no Why?_____________________________
-
Now,
go back and rank each one numerically, on a scale of
1-10, placing the number next to the #__ in order of
impact this choice made on either your future
career/contribution or intellectual or physical or
material or relational or emotional or financial or
spiritual well-being?
-
Finally, consider, was the impact constructive (+),
neutral (0) or destructive (-)? Mark each choice
listed with either a +, - or 0 impact.
If you were given a do-over would you
make the same choices? Why or Why not?
As teens, you are in the most Critical
Inch of your life! What makes this the Critical
Inch of your life? Think about your class pictures
over the past several years. What do you see? What are
the differences? The reason you see such dramatic
changes is that you are in the midst of significant
physical changes! Between the ages of 11 and 18 your
hormones are in 5th gear preparing you for
adult life. Preparing is not the same as
prepared! These years are absolutely time for you to
be experimenting and rehearsing for your future roles.
The experiments and rehearsals are meant to be for your
adult career and relationships. The type of
experimenting that legitimately and
effectively prepares you for these roles. The type
of experimenting that lets you try out what you want to
do to earn a living while you can switch and change
without significant effort or consequences. The type of
experimenting that gives you a taste for what you like,
what you don’t like in a safe environment absolutely and
certainly not the type that kills, damages or
diseases.
To understand the Critical Inch
phenomena, imagine the span of your life beginning with
birth at one end and progressing through stages that
either end or change drastically depending on your
beliefs at transition or death. Where do
you imagine you are chronologically along this lifeline?
Now, look toward the death/transition end what do
you see? Empty space!!! If you were to look behind you,
what might you see? History!!! Your personal history and
the impact you have made on the lives of others whom you
impact. Your history is the accumulation of your
choices and their results. The empty space in front of
you is yours to fill however you choose.
Considering the Lifeline image created
below and where you are in your own personal lifeline,
what are some of the roles and responsibilities that lie
ahead of you? What might you need to consider knowing
that at some point you are going to likely fill each of
these depicted?
I promised this would help illustrate the
Critical Inch phenomena. If you look at the chart above
you will see that the age from 12 to 25 is the most
concentrated with role changes. In that age you move
from dependence to independence into interdependence
which lasts the greater part of the remainder of your
life. You move from grade school to middle school to
high school student then to either full fledged adult
completely on your own or college student. Many of you
will marry and start a family at this time; some will
joined the armed services. Regardless of your choice you
will assume greater financial independence and societal
expectations. The choices you make in this time frame
will affect you the remainder of the timeline. While
this is always true at any point in the timeline; this
Critical inch of 12 – 25 years shapes the next 50 years
of your life like no other!
During this time most of you have a
safety net of loving parents to help support and
guide you; after age 25, most of you will be that
safety net for the next generation. Getting an
education while still young and supported by parents is
far easier than getting an education while busy
supporting and parenting your own brood. Getting and
education remains the single most effective means of
fulfilling hopes, dreams and wishes than any other means
available. That being said, education comes in many ways
and forms, not just traditional schools and colleges; a
goal with a well thought-out plan determines the best
means to fulfillment!
Remember the Cheshire Cat scene in
Alice in Wonderland? Alice is busily chasing the
White Rabbit through the woods when she comes upon a
fork in the path. Confused about which fork to choose,
the Cheshire Cat magically appears, a little bit
at a time, to pass on the benefit of his wisdom. Unable
to tell the Cheshire Cat where exactly she wants to go,
because her only goal is to catch up with the mysterious
and allusive White Rabbit, the Cheshire Cat responds,
“well then, it really doesn’t matter which way your
go!” Step one, then, is decide where you want to go!
What do you want to experience along your personal time
line? Imagine you are sitting with a fortune-teller,
what do you want her to see in your future? What
kind of car do you want her to see you drive? What kind
of career? What relationships? Record below some of the
things that come immediately to your mind.
-
List
3 – 10 goals you would like to achieve between now and
the end of your life line. Consider each of the
following areas: spiritual, intellectual, emotional,
relational, financial, material, career and
contribution. For example, I want ______ fill in
blank with a career as a teacher or to own
my own business or married with 2 kids and a
dog or house on the beach and one in the
mountains or my own car debt free or
back-pack across
Europe
or a $1,000,000.00 savings account… What do
you want?
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
GOAL___________________________________________________________
MOST
IMPORTANT_________________________________________________
MEANS__________________________________________________________
WHY?___________________________________________________________
-
Think
of 3 to 10 choices you must make now,
for each goal, that will enable fulfillment of your
goals. For example, course of study at school, mentor
or job in your field of interest, checking or savings
accounts, exercise or dietary changes…
-
For
each goal, describe the characteristics – what’s
important to you about the goal. For example, a career
that makes a difference in the lives of others; a
spouse that loves and cares about me as much as I do
him/her; a safe, reliable paid for car…
-
For
each of the 3 to 10 you listed, record what emotional
experience you will get when you accomplish your goal
and what you might feel if you fail. These are your
motivation to succeed!
Summarize.
The choices you make MOMENT-BY-MOMENT affect your
destiny. If that is true, and it is, we are all better
able to live a life we enjoy if we consciously,
deliberately and intentionally choose, moment-by-moment
that which will produce the life we want to live. The
process you just completed can be used to help you make
good moment-by-moment choices.
When given a choice or opportunity,
choose your personal greatness by asking the following
questions:
-
If I
do _____ will it move me closer to or further away
from my goal?
-
If
answer is _______ moves you closer to goal, then do
it! Enhance it even!
-
If
answer is _______ moves you further from goal, then
don’t do it! Fix it if possible or walk away depending
on _____.
For example: to elaborate further on the
Cheshire Cat’s wisdom, if you know where you’re going,
only certain ways will get you there! For
example, if you are planning a road trip from Sherman, TX to Houston, TX
the shortest and quickest route is 75 South to I-45
South. What would happen if your destination is Houston,
yet you choose to take 75 North? The same is true of
your personal goals & dreams. If you want to be a doctor
and that requires four years of undergrad studies and a
Bachelor’s degree in Biology or Chemistry, acceptable
GMAT scores, medical school and internship for the MD
qualifications; yet, you choose four years as an art
major as well as hit and miss study habits preparing for
the GMAT test what are the odds you will be accepted
into a reputable medical school?
What is
most important to you
about
each of the goals is the most important aspect of
setting goals and most valuable when making a choice.
Again, considering both metaphors, what is important
about you as a doctor or a driver? For example, do you
aspire to be a doctor who is compassionate, humorous,
generous and self-less or do you have a different
picture? Whatever you envision you must be or
become the qualities you aspire. Likewise with
driving to Houston, if reaching your destination safely
and traffic ticket-free is important to you; then, you
must be a safe, compliant driver or run the risk of
accidents and tickets. Again, take 3 minutes and think
about the goals you recorded in step 1, what would you
like your friends or family to say about you when you
are or have what you want?
Finally, and key to your success: Dreams
without action are only wishes; while, Dreams with
wrong actions are doomed to failure. Back to the
metaphors, what this means is if you want to go to
Houston in a reasonable time, safely & ticket-free, and
you know you must go South on 75 to I-45; then, do not
drive North!
In conclusion, think back to the scene
from Alice in Wonderland. You must know where it
is you are going. You must know which choices will get
you there, which will not. And, you must be constantly
vigilant of the results you produce. There was a time,
in fact, during the author of Alice in Wonderland,
Lewis Carroll’s lifetime that many of the present day
banned drugs were legal. Many of them have legitimate
medicinal value. What changed? The results they
produced, consequences. Because their effect and impact
proved dangerous and harmful when abused or
misused. Jesse, the Body, Ventura the WWE wrestler
turned Governor of Minnesota once said, “Legislating
stupidity is ineffective.” He is right! Educating people
to make better choices is more effective; because,
the choice is up to you. The next time you find yourself
facing a choice of liquor, beer, violence or drugs,
imagine there are sights on it just like a gun, look
through those sights and imagine the possible results
and consequences after the temporary feel-good has faded
away. If those results move you closer to where you want
to be in 1 year, 3 years, 5 or 25 years then do it, but
if they don’t move you closer, don’t do it, find
something that will.
I would like to invite you to participate
in one more visualization activity Imagine you are
hundreds of miles away from your family and friends,
alone, your companions had been arrested on burglary
charges and hauled off to jail a couple of days earlier.
The only reason you weren’t taken away was because you
hid under a bed and the companions claimed you had left
with your boyfriend. You haven’t eaten much for days
now, just a few saltine crackers left over from a salad
you had eaten earlier in the week. Every commercial on
television seems to show the happy faces of people
savoring the flavors of a Big Mac and fries – you can
imagine it but you can’t taste it. You want to taste it
in the worst way; ending the growling and ache in the
pit of your stomach becomes an obsession, the only thing
you can imagine or focus on. Occasionally you hear a car
drive up outside. Anxiously, you race to the room’s
single picture window and peer outside hoping either
your boyfriend or companions had returned to rescue you.
Always disappointed, your desperation builds.
Cabin fever has set in also, feeling
brave or perhaps careless, you decide to take a walk
outdoors to feel the sunshine and expanse of outdoors.
Although you attempt to go unnoticed, a man approaches
you. A familiar face because on several trips to the
window you observed this man interacting with women
appearing to be made-up and dressed outrageous and lewd;
by their behaviors and appearance your assume they must
be prostitutes and he must be their pimp. He asks about
your companions, uneasy, you explain they will be
returning at any time. Somehow during the course of the
conversation he learns you haven’t eaten and offers to
buy you lunch if he can come visit you when he
gets off duty. You agree. The cheeseburger, fries
and Coca Cola were they best you’d ever experienced!
Back in your room with your tummy full you begin to grow
increasingly nervous about the implications of the
bargain you struck, the agreement you made. You look out
the window, what do you see?
I can tell you what I saw when I was in
that situation. I saw every depressing television show
and movie I’d ever seen about teen runaways living life
on the streets as a prostitute none of them were happily
ever after fairy tales like Pretty Woman. I
remembered every Reader’s Digest article I’d ever read
about the results and effect this lifestyle has on
little girls that choose this lifestyle for whatever
reason. Living in filth, at the mercy of pimps and any
man with cash, beat-up, strung-out or dead. And, I made
a decision to not experience it personally. I chose to
learn the smart way, instead of the hard way. I trusted
that if those were the results others in that situation
got from their choice, I would probably produce a
similar result if I made that choice. I ran to the phone
and called the runaway hotline number I had gotten from
the television and literally escaped through a bathroom
window as my benefactor approached the door. I’m
grateful I made that choice. I still had consequences
from my previous choice to runaway from home and hang
out with burglars. I still had to atone for my
initial sins that put me into that opportunity to
choose, and I still had to choose the rest of my life’s
course. My challenge to you is to learn from Bo Jackson,
learn from the Cheshire Cat, learn from me, learn from
all those before you that made bad choices and lost
because of it; learn the smart way; then, you go out and
make GREAT choices. Live a GREAT day… thank you! |
